Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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