it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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