there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
