Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
