she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
