fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My vagina just recognized that song.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
