quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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