i already hear my dad disowning me
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
