I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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