Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
