sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
