i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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