He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Houston, we have a squirter
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
