Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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