my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
