five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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