That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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