I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
