dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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