and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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