imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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