I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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