i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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