i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
