Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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