How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
