I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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