this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
