dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
