i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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