apparently the secret to your success is patron
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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