I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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