so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
