dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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