Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
