I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
