I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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