I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
