fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
