i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
