i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm really busy with my period
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