Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
