if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
