we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
