I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
tell me about the fingering
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