What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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