I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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