Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
