so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
