im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
