remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
