They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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