i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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