Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize