Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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