he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
