Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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