ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
