That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My balls are so social today.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize