I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
