Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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