I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
