She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
