The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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