Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
