i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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