i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
All the doctor said was why
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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