Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
smell my finger.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
