I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
