White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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