we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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