My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
