So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
