I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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