WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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