I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
