When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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