i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
