I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can't put those talents on a resume
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Dick very happy bro
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize