paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
