i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
