well you can't waste a boner
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
