I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
