So drunk its hurt
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
