my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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