i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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