you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize