Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
