I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
