Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
