I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize