I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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