love makes seman taste better
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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