I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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