Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
