Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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