her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
