dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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