winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
