We won't sleep together?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize