Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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