There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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