we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize