Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
North Korea, Best Korea!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
